I wanted to write and share my personal story, as wanting to help others, as I experience life.
This is our first Christmas without my mother and my children and nieces and nephews Nan. Along with this we have national restrictions as to how we are allowed, legally, to spend it. It feels very weird. Usually, I am very good at expressing my emotions and feelings however I can't describe exactly how I am feeling. As a family, we have unified views on spiritual matters. Do we believe the energy of a soul continues somewhere else, yes. Does this offer comfort? A lot however there are also feelings of numbness still, guilt also. Thoughts of Christmases past, which were not always happy. People tell me the firsts are always the worst. However this year, has brought a lot of positive change for me and my family. A lot to look forward to this Christmas. Life is always changing and Christmas represents the birth of a saviour. So, with the help and support of family and friends I will honour my mother with a lit candle in her memory and to get through the day as happy as is possible. It is OK to feel loss, sorrow, anger and these first experiences without our loved one will be valid. It is OK not to understand how you feel. I am aware in living in the present moment and I believe that has helped me come to terms with a lot in my life. Death is apart of life, apart that is hard and painful regardless of how well we understand it. We form attachments to people, relationships and future hopes all of which are still alive after the passing of a person. These are part of the grieving process, learning to let go. In time, we will be able to look back with a smile in our hearts.
For anyone else experiencing similar to me my advice is do what feels right for you. There's
a lot of pressure om Christmas to be perfect and perfection is a disease of the nation.